Bid Tuesday.

Type type type. Check watch. Type type. Check watch again.

Duck out of work early. Drive drive drive. Go to grocery store. Endure odd looks for buying 10 Chips Ahoy cookie packages and 44 liters of pop. Head back to House. Drive drive.

Check on the fire trucks. Hmmm, one of them won’t start. Will a battery swap cure the problem? Click, growl growl growl; vroom! Now the other. Click, growVROOM! Quickly, inside to grab the letters (t-shirts with the Greek letters Pi Kappa and Alpha) for the freshmen. Toss the letters in the pumper cab, riding shotgun. Back pumper out of barn, turn to make exit from grounds. Slow down so others can hop on; fire trucks are cool!

Drive towards campus. Politely smile and wave at those motorists honking. Start slowing early for the turn into campus. Will the repairs to the brakes made at 3:30 a.m. earlier today hold? Park at rendezvous point. Admire Pike flag flying 100ft in the air off of the ladder’s ladder. Grab box of letters from cab. Check watch again. Almost late! Rush to Moench, outside of EE lounge. Mingle with Brothers. Hypothesize at new class size. Do last minute Bid Tuesday assistant recruitment. Debate safe and practical limits of pallet bonfires. Listen to credible rumors of a rushee signing with a rival fraternity.

Here comes Snyder! Here comes Brandt! Do they have the list? Yes! Mass excitement, growing noise level. Their hands go up; it is their time to speak. Move to the front to distribute letters. How many? Thirty-two, plus one who signed late, so thirty-three. Largest class in several years!

Names are read. Letters are distributed. Where are several of the freshmen? D’oh, two of my rushees signed elsewhere, including one with a chapter that had been on probation. Suck. Ah well; the other ones I really wanted to join (Speed 3!) are all signed with us. Go through the list again. Does every freshman have somebody to present them with letters? Yes? Good! Run to the dorms, find the freshmen. Congratulations abound! Quickly now, back to the fire trucks. Everybody pile on the trucks for a spin around campus. Start up the pumper, wait for the ladder. Wait, where did the ladder go? Ah, there it is; long vehicles make for long, tedious 12-point turns. No, 13-point. Watch out for the building! 14-point. No, 15-point — there, now it’s facing the right direction. Turn on the lights, prime the siren. WeeeOoooWeeeeOoooo.

Attitude check! Pikes Number One! Fun times, the freshmen are confused but loving it. Once around campus. Twice around campus. More noise, more noise! Is anyone taking photos? Thrice around campus. Park the trucks in the lot — wow, fire trucks turn sharply. Everybody off the trucks! Time to learn the cheer.

Teach the cheer to the freshmen. Whoa, slow down, they didn’t get it all, though they’re learning quickly. There, now they have it. Walk back to the house!

Back at the house. Make final preparations for the night’s activities.

Time for traditional milk and cookie toast! Rah rah rah, go Alpha Eta class, KAllen lineage, and Minnesota. Everybody outside for the bonfire and [optional! traditional!] milk chug.

Wow, fire is still cold. Probably cold because of lack of flames. What are they doing; is that kerosene? And a monster propane torch? Uh-oh, stand back. Good, nobody got hurt. Grab gallon of milk. Chug. Feel really, really sick. How could fresh milk wreak such havoc on one’s stomach? Idle by the fire for a while, in recovery. Yikes, the inferno is getting hot. Find the hose. Squelch the flames. There, that’s better.

Supervise the remainder of the evening. Chill with longtime and newfound friends. Chat about life, the universe, everything. And nothing at all.

Sing “American Pie.” Goodnight world!